Flirty Wife Christine & Horny Hubby Alex

We get approached about once a week for advice on how Gents (and some couples) can successfully break into the swinging lifestyle.

Alex was a successful solo-male in the lifestyle for many years before we met, and Christine has participated in the lifestyle for about 3 years and always as part of a couple.  (In fact, we met through the lifestyle, for that story, follow this [link]).

Before we get into some "tips" let's share some facts.

According to a major online dating study, nearly 50% of all profiles contain some kind of false information, 30% of men's profiles lie about their marital status and 40% of women lie about their age.  Males almost always outnumber females.

On most swinger / lifestyle websites, for every 300 single males there will be maybe 50 couples and 2 real females (with one being bi).  The odds are staggering.

NOTE: When you first join a site, you're gonna think "WOW! There's tons of hot chicks here all lookin for sex - Alex & Christine don't know a damned thing"  You will soon find out that for every 50 female profiles, nearly 40 of them will be fakes (that's 4 fakes to find 1 real) The fakes can be dangerous, and some are getting very sophisticated at their scams.  Of the 10 real ones, expect 2 to be courteous enough to acknowledge your intro - so the true status of the other 8 could be anyone's guess.

Why is this?

An attractive, normal, sensual, sexually liberated single female (there are maybe 4-5 of these ladies in any sizable metropolitan area one the "open" market at any one time) will get roughly 200 emails PER DAY!  Even the more average women suffer with email volumes approaching 75-100 per day. 

As you can see, managing that much email volume could either take all the fun out of it, or the "unicorn" (as single Bi females are affectionately known) will devise "systems" to rapidly triage her potential suitors.

Most of these massages are from dumb, horny men with ZERO game, but, the task of sorting and deleting 10-20 at a time can literally take a couple hours.

The odds (and effort) of landing just one date with one of these ladies are enormous. As such, in order to experience any real "success" the smart male will broaden his scope (increasing the geography, age range, and lowering his standards) This includes considering play with couples for MFM 3sums where nearly 20 of the 50 couples mentioned above will "consider" MFM 3sums.

The overwhelming bulk of 3sum play is straight due to homo-phobias toward "bi" males.

The 50 couples for every 300 men mentioned above tend to break down as follows: 

45 are looking for a single female with only about 5 truly interested in MFM 3 sums / gangbangs (Sadly these tend to be the more "average" 4's, 5's and 6's and NOT the hotter 7's, 8's and 9's).

20 couples will say they are "open" to MFM 3sums, but nearly half are inexperienced, so watch your back. The other half is very, very picky (looking for the hottest guys possible). 2 of these couples might actually be on the hotter side themselves. But, they are also bombarded with desperate horny guys every day, so they have their choice and are very selective.

30 couples claim to be "full swap" but in reality, the hotter the female, the less likely she will actually be with another man - this group's couple play tends to focus more on the ladies exploring other ladies and rarely does intercourse with the other man's wife take place.  Alex believes that many of these hotties are gold-diggers and their men are just too insecure and diluted to the real reasons why she is with him in the first place.  Bottom line, they are fun to watch, maybe they'll stroke you a little, but forget bangin one of these babes.

10 Couples are truly full swap - but there are always some "stipulations".

10 Couples clearly state they are soft-swap - these people are either hard-core voyeurs, or scared curiosity seekers.

*** Hey, those #'s don't add up to 50!  Yeah, this is because some of these categories overlap and couples will select multiple categories to participate in.

If your in a hurry and need to get laid - swingin is not the best avenue for a solo male (unless you have a solid "A" game with the ladies, have a few bucks to spend to impress, are handsome and well, don't mind lowering your standards some too).

Swingers in general tend to really want to move "slow", they want to develop some chemistry & attraction. Rarely will you meet someone and be bangin them 15 minutes later, often, these "warm-up" meetings will end with no sex at all, and yet, both parties will continue to socialize - eventually slipping into friend-zone.

We "socialized" with many couples, many of them don't play on the first meeting, and many will have 3-5 "meetings" before ever exploring the physical side of things. For the male playing solo, these are like "dates", you often pick up the tab, buy rounds of drinks and even spring for dinner.  It can be costly.

Note, while our opinions about friends with benefits is immaterial it does seem that a majority of swingers feel that if you are a friend FIRST, sex after makes it more difficult, but if sex came first, and a friendship develops AFTER, that's ok.  (Just our observation).

Lastly, one more final discouragement.  DRAMA.  One clear decided advantage the hobby has over swinging aside from the rapid evolution to intimacy is the very low occurrence of DRAMA.  Seriously, we think that half the swingers swing just for the outlet of their personal & intimate drama - look, I don't care how hot or good the sex was, if you have to deal with their shit afterward, it loses its appeal - FAST!

Hey - if you're still hell bent on dippin your toes into the lifestyle, ok. ok. ok. Here are a few of our tips to help you out.

Alex developed "cheat" systems to improve his odds, and would often go 3-4 months without even a courteous reply. (Searching and reviewing some 100-150 profiles per night, and sending between 30-50 introductory emails over the course of 3-5 hours EVERY NIGHT).

So, you must begin realizing that you will need to invest a significant portion of time - even if you are optimized and as efficient as Alex was.

Here's The Tips...

Email -  first get yourself a free web email account, then go and sign up for a free disposable email forwarding filter at http://www.spamgourmet.com and learn how to use it, this will help you avoid all the spam and scammers.

Pics - lose the cock shots please.  It doesn't impress the women, almost all want to see your face first.  A clear close up with a full smile, no shades or hats (those all imply your hiding something).  Then they want to see your build - if you have great abs, biceps, anything, do your best to highlight your best features (close-ups are great). As for the pics of your junk, tuck them into a private gallery / folder or something clearly labeled as such. Let the woman decide if she wants to see your junk or not.

Photography tip - lighting is EVERYTHING! Try to take shots outside at dusk or dawn when the lighting is most favorable, less intense and casts a warm glow to the subject.

Headlines - Your headline needs to be unique and avoid the raunchy crap. This is the hardest part, you need to be clever, witty, intriguing and unique in order to get your profile to stand out from the sea of other desperate horny men.

Profile - One common flaw is to not say enough about yourself, however, the opposite is also true, say too much and your pool of potential playmates will begin to "self-eliminate" feeling they are not exactly what you want.  Try not to be too general and avoid being too serious. You need to let your personality shine here, and remember, the first paragraph is most critical as you MUST capture your reader's attention if she will bother with the rest.

Stats - With all the false info on profiles, we know it's tempting to lie about something, or conceal or fudge a fact or two. We would urge you to be very careful if you do this, and it is best to error on the side of telling the truth. This almost never works to your advantage once the lie has been discovered.

SIDEBAR: We've actually seen stats that have been fudged work out once, we know a gentleman who is very young looking even in his current and recent pictures. He would often get accused of the pics being older since the age of the guy in the pic did not seem to jive with his stated age.  As a result, he adjusted his age down slightly to align more with the pics. CAUTION: Most people are terrible at realistically determining their perceived age, so do not do this unless you get regular consistent feedback to the contrary.

Search - Pay for the membership to the site and upgrade so you can do more detailed searches (some sites will even save your searches and alert you of new members fitting your search criteria).  It's good to develop a couple / few search criteria.  We prefer to start with a very specific search, why waste your time if there is a perfect match?  Then, tweek the criteria some to broaden the results delivered.

Read - Read profiles BEFORE you respond to them, and ONLY respond to those you feel might have potential.  Many guys basically spam the females, responding to every single ad/profile.  Not only is it annoying, but women are getting hip and are creating a secondary "anti" profile, thus, someone who responds to that too is just spamming and will not get further consideration.

Respond - You should spend some time developing a couple short intro paragraphs that are very general, basic and can apply to 90% of all profiles you choose to respond to (of course with a little tweaking to customize and make more personal).  For example, if she has her name in the profile, start with "Hey Christine".  Then if she's into sports, mention not only that you're into sports too, but be specific to which ones (especially if they are also the ones she's into). Copy & Paste with some personalization tweaking can help save you tons of time - just remember, if your reader thinks your doing this, you will lose credibility with them.

Politeness - NEVER GET SEXUAL OR RAUNCHY, let the lady indicate when she is ready to have these discussions first. Always be polite, always act the gentleman, refrain from controversial subjects. If you have a sense of humor - use it! 80% of women say the thing they are most attracted to is humor.  Express your interest in her, but don't go overboard, there's a balance between cool and stalker.

Evaluate - Many ladies you respond to will reply back, but they will almost always ask you to send them your email or give you their email to contact them.  90% of these are scams, but if your curiosity is getting the best of you, then use your Spam Gourmet account to create a limited disposable address - this way you never disclose your real email address and if it turns out to be a scam, you can turn them off immediately to spare yourself the inbox clutter.

In the meantime, please consider the hobby which we consider to be a far superior alternative with a far better experience. Two sessions with a well reviewed $300/hr. lady is $600 per month versus the effort of swinging. At an average of 4 hours a day, 30 days per month = 120 hours / $600 = the value of your time is about $5 an hour.  If you have the ability to earn just $25 an hour you can spend an extra 24 hours to earn your hobby budget versus 120 hours farting around with the jokers in the lifestyle and saving yourself not only the monotonous boring tedious work, but also avoiding all the unnecessary drama.

Then again, that's just our 4 cents.